Disclaimer: Spoilers

Why did Dex wait so long to confess his feelings to Emma? Often people speculate it’s because Dex couldn’t appreciate Emma when he was doing well in life and only wanted her when his own life was in shambles. Maybe there is some truth in that sentiment. However, Dex’s grief over the loss of his mother, Alison, may have played a bigger role in his inability to pursue a relationship with Emma.

As seen in the television adaptation, Dex had a close relationship with his mother. They were able to talk openly to each other. Allison was more than a mother to Dex, she was a friend to him. While Dex was seemingly popular, he didn’t have many friends that knew him as intimately as his mother or Emma.

When Allison was diagnosed with a terminal illness, Dex was faced with a future that didn’t involve not only his mother but one of his closest confidant. Unable to cope with his new reality and future, he turned to alcohol, partying, and recreational drugs. He coped by becoming numb to the world around him and continued to do so after her death.

In our 20’s, we experience true independence for the first time while exploring who we are, what we like, and what we don’t like. We are on our own but most times we are not too far from the people who have supported us all of our lives and who we go to for comfort and reassurance. For a small percentage of young adults, including Dex, we experience real loss for the first time when we lose one or both of our parents.

The death of a parent is devasting at any age but can be extremely isolating in your 20’s. In your 20’s, you may be the first person in your social circles to lose a parent. Subsequently, you will not have the supportive network of friends who can truly empathize with you, as opposed to if you lost a parent(s) in your 50s (which is the common age to lose a parent(s)). As a result, you may become emotionally withdrawn from your friends. Emotional withdrawal can include, but is not limited to, communicating less with friends or attending fewer social gatherings.

Since the topic of death and grief is difficult to comprehend or approach, your friends may accept your distance or change in demeanor. The natural assumption is that time heals all wounds and that you will be back to “normal” self sooner than later.

In the end, all is left is a person with unprocessed feelings and emotions. You don’t have to go it alone but when you are in your 20’s, it can be difficult to accept the fact that you need help and then have the strength to seek it out.

As seen with Dex and his “party-boy” behavior, he still hasn’t processed his feelings and emotions surrounding the lost of his mother and friend. Even if he wanted to pursue a romantic relationship with Emma, he knows he shouldn’t. Whether consciously or unconsciously, Dex knows that he isn’t ready to pursue a real romantic relationship or is he willing to jeopardize his relationship with Emma.

Coming Soon: Part II of III: “One Day” Television Adaptation: Thoughts on Dex and Sylvia’s Relationship